This NaNoWriMo month is drawing to a close and I’m just staying behind. I don’t have TIME for this! Fuck!
I can’t go on with the story, not in any real way, unless I FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK I’M WRITING! I needed to be building a buffer! NOT FALLING BEHIND! I KNOW that I’m going to have to take at least 2 days off from writing NaNoWriMo (probably Sunday and Monday) and I NEED TO BE AHEAD NOT BEHIND!
I’m just fucking pissed at this point. I’m not bummed, I’m angry at myself. Also I realize I’m using a lot of fucking curse words, but FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!
I spent the past TWO DAYS talking to people and thinking about it and every time I think I’ve got something, I find a reason it won’t work. I’m so fucking annoyed at myself for thinking that I could just write and it would work itself out. I’m even more annoyed it didn’t WORK that way. USUALLY I don’t plan what I’m writing! I JUST WRITE AND IT HAPPENS! I never plan what I’m writing only THIS TIME it didn’t FUCKING WORK.
And I feel bad for all the people trying to help me and not being able to because everything they suggest WONT WORK. I’m just frustrated and angry and this is driving me insane. Because I CANNOT have gotten this far and not win NaNoWriMo but I really need to go back and just re-write shit so that SOMEBODY can be the killer and have a motive that works, but I don’t have TIME this late in the month.
I need to just fucking pick a fucking killer and finish writing it with them as the killer, then go back in the fucking story and MAKE IT work.
I’m now about 90% positive that once NaNoWriMo is over I’ll never revisit this novel ever and never finish it and never even attempt to get it published.
But I’m going to fucking hit 50,000 words before December 1 rolls around, you can bet your ass on that.